Worth  it
by Robin Redbird
Summary: A close call changes the way that a member of Team Gibbs thinks and a love ended might not be as over as one man seems to think it is. This is a bit angsty. McGiva.
1. Chapter 1

_**OKAY. THIS IS JUST SOMETHING THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR A WHILE. IT WAS ONLY EVER SUPPOSE TO BE A ONE-SHOT AND I THINK THAT I'VE GONE ABOUT AS FAR AS I CAN WITH IT.**_

_**I WANT TO THINK EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN SO SUPPORTATIVE WITH MY OTHER STORIES. THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY THAT I WILL STOP UPDATING ALTOGETHER. AS LONG AS I GET ONE PERSON SAYING THAT THEY LIKE MY IDEAS, I DON'T CARE IF I GET A HUNDRED SAYING THEY DON'T!**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**_

_**-NCIS-**_

'_**It had been close.'**_ Ziva thought as she cast a covert glance at the desk that was across the room and to the left of hers. '_**Too close.'**_ She cast another glance at Tim. She could have lost him today.

It had been a routine thing, nothing really out of the ordinary. A trip to pick up a suspect gone horribly wrong. She hadn't see the shooter until Tim had pushed her out of the way, the bullet grazing his temple. She hadn't known, then, that it was only a graze. When he had slumped over her and the blood had poured, a loss that she had never felt had filled her. In that moment, all Ziva could think was that Tim was gone and he hadn't known. In that moment, the only thought in her mind was that he had died not knowing she loved him. She loved him so much, that, at times it hurt. Sometimes, when she looked at him, there was a deep ache in her chest. She had never loved anyone the way she loved Tim.

Passionately. Hopelessly. Endlessly.

The same way that he loved her.

The intensity of his love for her scared Ziva at times. The way he loved her to the exclusion of everything else, really and truly terrified her. She, the woman who had never been afraid of anything before, was afraid of being loved by Timothy McGee. Because she was not the kind of woman for the dreams he dreamed. She knew the life he wanted and she could not give it to him. She could not give him the wife he wanted. She could not give him the children he wanted. That possibility had ceased to exist for her a long time before she had even heard of Timothy McGee.

Tim had claimed it didn't matter to him. He claimed that they could adopt. He claimed that it wouldn't matter to him if it could only be the two of them, as long as he had her.

But, again, Ziva had been afraid. Afraid that one day it _**would **_matter. And that one day he would come to resent her for everything he had given up for her. So she had backed off of their relationship, pulled away from him gradually. Eventually she had told him that their time had passed and they were better off as friends. Ziva knew that she had hurt Tim. Even now, almost a year after their romance had ended, she could see the pain lingering in his eyes.

Ziva sighed and sat back in her chair. Yet, even now, she knew he still held out hope for them. Tim would take her back in a second with the least little bit of encouragement from her. Ziva glanced at Tim again. In that moment she promised herself that tonight after they had put the case to rest, she would take him back to her apartment and she would tell him the truth. Ziva would tell him that she did love him. Very much. But he deserved so much more than anything she could ever give him. Ziva would tell Tim that he deserved a woman that would tell him how much she loved him every single day. A woman that would tell him what she loved _**about**_ him—like the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed or the smile that he only smiled for her. Ziva would tell him that he deserved a woman that would tell him that it was his honesty, his _**goodness**_, that first attracted her but it was his silent strength that she fell in love with. She would tell Tim that he deserved a woman who would hold his hand as they walked and show affection to him without reservation. A woman who would show her feelings to him—and everyone else—and not stop to worry about who was watching. She would tell him that he deserved a woman that would wear his ring like a badge of honor. A woman who would dedicate herself to him, and only him, for the rest of their lives. A woman that would be _**his**_ perfect wife. She would tell him that he deserved a woman so much better than her.

And, finally, she would tell him that if he still wanted her she would try to be the woman he deserved. That if he settled for her them she would make it her mission for the rest of her life to make sure he never regretted it.

Tim McGee was not as oblivious as Ziva thought he was. He had noticed the looks she kept throwing his way. What he didn't know was why. Their relationship had ended a long time ago—by her own choice. He didn't blame her really. Tim had always known that he wasn't what Ziva wanted. That it had lasted the two years it had was what surprised him, not her ending it. He had always expected it to end and while it had hurt him when it did, life wasn't any worse now then it had been before. Tim had started to let his guard down right before she had started to pull away from him. He had become complacent. Tim had forgot what he should have remembered—Tim McGee was not the type of man to hold the interest of a woman like Ziva David. He wasn't handsome enough, he wasn't 'hot' enough, he wasn't exciting enough. Tim just wasn't enough. He wouldn't forget that again. While he did still love her and always would, Tim would never get complacent again. They could be partners, friends, and, if she wanted —and judging by the looks she was throwing him, she did—occasionally lovers, but nothing more. He shook his head. No, never again, anything more. Tim pushed these dark thoughts aside and concentrated on his paperwork.

Jethro Gibbs watched his two agents with concerned amusement. He had known when their romance had started and he had known when it had ended. He also knew why Tim and Ziva had not told their NCIS family. Rule twelve. Gibbs had never told his people that his rules were more a guideline then they were etched in stone. They were meant to be an example. He didn't want these kids—_**his **_kids_**—**_to make the same mistakes he had. That did not mean he didn't expect them to make their own mistakes. But after everything was said and done, he wanted them, all of them to be happy. And he knew that Tim and Ziva were happy together. Or they had been. Gibbs didn't know what had gone wrong between them. To him, they were suited to each other. Ziva needed the kind of steadying influence that Tim was and Tim needed the spontaneity from his well-ordered routine that Ziva could provide. Gibbs saw Ziva cast another glance at Tim. He could guess what those glances were about and he knew by the way Tim responded to them that it wouldn't be as easy as she thought it would be. Gibbs watched as Tim gave her a hard look. He shook his head. No. It wouldn't be easy. Gibbs felt his heart lighten. But he had faith that it would happen. And it would be worth it. And this time he would make sure that his kids didn't have to hide their happiness. This time their happiness would not be hidden away like a dirty little secret but be where everyone could see it. Where everyone could share it.


	2. Chapter 2

O_**KAY. I GOT SOME REVIEWS THAT WANTED THIS TO BE CONTINUED. I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WILL LEAD BUT I WILL CONTINUE IT. **_

_**DISCLAIMER:I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**_

That night Ziva sat on the sofa, in her apartment, the hopes she had had for the future laying around her in embers.

_**'I want to be your wife, Tim.'**_ She had said to him after making her confession.

He hadn't said anything for a long time then got up and stood looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

_**' You had that chance already, Ziva.'**_ He had said at last, so quietly that she almost missed it. _**'Or have you forgotten that?' **_ He had finished, a little bitterness creeping into his voice. She hadn't realized until that moment how much she had damaged him. He had left after that, not saying anything more. Not looking back. Ziva watched him go then watched from the window as he drove away. Taking with him her happiness.

Happiness had been a fleeting thing before Timothy McGee. Here one instant and gone the next. Something that had been hard to keep a grasp on, even though she had tried constantly to do so. It had never been there long enough for her to know what happiness truly was. Until she had come here. Until she had met Timothy McGee. Ziva could not remember when it had happened but over the years she had come to associate happiness with Tim. Every happy moment that Ziva had had here was connected to Tim, even before they had got together. To her, happiness _**was **_Tim McGee. And she wasn't ready to give it—or him—up yet.

She wanted to make this right. If only she knew how.

Ziva forced herself to stand from her sofa. She mechanically put her shoes on and grabbed her keys and jacket on the way out of her apartment. She knew that she wouldn't get any advice on how to proceed where she was going but that wasn't the reason why she was going there.

Ziva got into her car and made her way to Gibbs' house, quietly letting herself in and going to the basement. This was always the place she came to when the real world hurt to much.

_**-NCIS-**_

After leaving Ziva's apartment that evening, Tim drove around for hours, no clear destination in mind, his thoughts in turmoil. Happiness was not an emotion that Tim had had any experience with before Ziva David. He was sure that he had never felt it before. He couldn't remember ever being happy. Not as a child or as an adult. He had been content with the choices he made and the way those choices had led to where he was at. He had been satisfied with a job well done. But that was not the same thing as happiness. Somewhere along the way, for Tim McGee, happiness had become Ziva David. Happiness had not entered into his life until Ziva and happiness had left his life when she had. And he missed it. Tim missed_** her**_. But not enough to set himself up for disappointment. Ziva had made her choice a long time ago—and she hadn't chosen him. Tim getting hurt or Ziva realizing that he could have died didn't change that. Not for him. Their differences were still there. Tim McGee hadn't been enough before and there would come a time when he wouldn't be enough again. That was the simple fact of the matter.

Suddenly, Tim wanted to not be alone. He wanted to be with someone, anyone, as long as he wasn't alone. But he had no where to go. He couldn't go to Abby. Tony wouldn't understand. He would try, but he wouldn't understand. Tim didn't believe there was a time in Tony's life that Tony hadn't been enough. Ducky would listen but for some reason he balked at involving the M.E.

What he really wanted was to go to Gibbs. But he couldn't do that. Because that was where Ziva would go and while he was sure that he would be admitted, he wasn't sure that he would be welcomed. He wasn't sure that even though Ziva was the one that left him, _**hurt**_ him, that given a choice between him and Ziva, Gibbs would choose him. Because no one had ever chosen him. Because whenever given the choice, everyone in his life had chosen someone or something else. And while one day he would want to know where he stood with Gibbs, today was not that day. Tomorrow, maybe. Or the next day. Just not today.

Tim turned his car around and headed to his lonely apartment. At least there he didn't have to worry about being good enough. And he didn't have to worry about always being chosen second—or not at all.

_**-NCIS-**_

Jethro Gibbs heard the almost silent footsteps that made their way overhead and down the steps to his basement. He had been expecting one of them. He should have known that it would be her.

Gibbs kept sanding on his project, not even looking up when Ziva settled on the bottom step. He waited for her to speak, even though patience was not his strong suit.

"What do you know?" She asked at last.

Gibbs stopped his sanding for a moment then started back. "I know about you and McGee. I know when it started and when it stopped. I know that I have never seen either of you as happy as you were then when you were together. I don't know why it ended, although I do know that it was you that did so. I also know that you had a wake-up call today." Gibbs gave the wood two long swipes. "It did not go as well as you thought it would, did it?" Gibbs asked.

Ziva was not surprised that Gibbs knew as much as he did. He was Gibbs, after all. "No, it did not." She admitted. "I—I have hurt him too bad. I did not realize how bad until tonight." Ziva hung her head. "I do not think he will ever forgive me." She whispered, her voice so low that Gibbs had to strain to hear it.

Gibbs sighed. "McGee is not a man to hold grudges, Ziva."

Ziva shook her head. "You don't know him the way I do. I do not think he will ever let me close enough to hurt him again."

Gibbs moved his sander blocker up and down the wood again. "He will." Gibbs said. "It will just take time and hard work." He stopped when Ziva looked up, hope shining in her beautiful brown eyes. "Nothing worth anything in life is ever easy, Ziva." He said carefully, not wanting to give her the impression that it would happen over-night. "Is he worth it?" Gibbs already knew the answer to his question but he knew also, that she had to know the answer, too.

Her answer was instantaneous. "Of course!"

Gibbs pick up a sander block and held it out to her. "Then it will happen." Ziva took the sander block and started to sand. "You're just going to have to work to make it happen."

Gibbs didn't doubt that it would happen. Just like he didn't doubt that McGee would lead her a merry chase before all this was over. Gibbs smirked. Oh, yeah, a _**merry**_ little chase!


	3. Chapter 3

_**THANKS FOR ALL THE WELL-WISHES! THEY MEAN A LOT!**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**_

_**-NCIS-**_

_**TWO MONTHS LATER**_

Tony watched McGee as he talked on the phone from the corner of his eye and sighed. Things had been difficult lately and he didn't know how to make it right. Part of the problem was him, he knew.

Tony DiNozzo had never been so mad at his boss as he was when he had heard that McGee had been shot. He hadn't known, not then, that it was only a graze and his friend would be alright. All he knew was that Tim had been shot and if he was gone nothing would ever be the same again. At that knowledge, fear had shortly turned to anger. It should have been _**him **_that went with Ziva, not Tim. _**He**_ was the senior field agent. But Gibbs had sent _**Tim**_ and that made him angry beyond words. Because, while they may pick, play jokes and tease each other, the fact was, Tony and Tim were closer then most brothers that Tony had come across. And it was _**Tony's**_ job to look out for Tim. It was _**Tony's**_ place to get hurt. Not Tim's. Never Tim's. It should have been Tony with Ziva.

Tony sighed as he pushed his chair back and put his feet on his desk. He had to get over this—whatever this was—because he was fast making himself crazy. Tony rubbed a hand wearily down his face. Every one of them put their lives in danger every time they stepped foot out of the navy yard. Realistically, any one of them could die at any part of the day. He couldn't be there every time that Tim stepped out of the bullpen and he couldn't take Tim's place out in the field. Even if he could, Tim had worked too hard at getting where he was to allow such coddling. Tony eyed his partner again. The other part of the problem was Tim. He hadn't been the same lately. In about a year. Ever sense him and Ziva had broken up. Yes, Tony knew. _**Everyone**_ knew. It had been the worst kept secret at NCIS. No one had just never said anything. Tony, personally, had been glad that his two partners had found each other and had been sad to see it end. He wasn't privy to what went wrong between them but he could see that the break-up had affected both deeply. Tony also could see that something had happened after Tim had been hurt. He hadn't missed the looks that from Ziva that Tim didn't return. Tony also had noticed the stares that Gibbs had leveled both their ways when they weren't looking. He could tell that Gibbs knew something about what was going on and was getting worried. It still didn't cool his anger at his boss.

Tony jumped when a heavy hand landed beside his crossed feet. "Feet off the desk, DiNozzo!" Gibbs voice sounded loud in the otherwise quiet bullpen.

"Right away, Boss!" Tony said, sweeping his feet off his desk and sitting rigidly in his chair.

Gibbs fought back a sigh as he studied his senior field agent. Tony had been acting strangely for the past few days, ever since McGee had been hurt. Gibbs hadn't missed the concerned looks Tony had sent the younger man or the barely concealed anger that seemed to vibrate off Tony whenever he was near Gibbs. He thought that he knew what the problem was but he wasn't sure how to address it. And that made _**him**_ mad because Gibbs wasn't used to feeling uncertain. Not wanting his anger to make the problem worse, he had left it alone, but that only made _**Tony**_ worse. Add that to what was going on with McGee and Ziva and the tension was so thick that you could cut a knife through it. Contrary to what he had believed, McGee had not come around. Gibbs had known that the younger man could be stubborn, but McGee had dug his hills in on this and hadn't moved an inch in two months. And he showed no signs of doing so. But Ziva showed no signs of giving up. Fortunately, she was as stubborn as he was. Gibbs had never been as thankful that he had gathered a team of mules as he has been lately. But that did not make this any easier. He stared at his senior field agent for a few long minutes before turning and walking away. There were problems on his team and he didn't like it! If things weren't better soon, he was seriously thinking about taking his team off rotation. He shuddered at trying to explain _**that**_ to the Director. What could he possibly say? My senior field agent is beyond mad at me because I sent my junior agent into the field instead of him and he got hurt? And my ex-assassin is distracted because my junior field agent is mule-headed stubborn and refuses to give their secret (or not so secret) relationship another try after she came to her senses when she thought she had lost him and wanted him back? That would go over real well. Leon would think he had lost _**his**_ mind, instead of his team, not to mention he would think that Gibbs had lost control of his team. The MCRT would become a laughingstock. He needed to fix this and fast. Gibbs quickly changed directions. Maybe Ducky would have some ideas on _**how**_.

_**-NCIS-**_

"Want to go get a drink, Probie?" Tony asked as they made their way out of the building at the end of the day.

Tim gave the older man a glance as he walked to his car. Tony had been..._**strange**_... ever sense he had been grazed by that bullet. Almost...**_clingy_**. That was a word that no one would usually use to describe Tony DiNozzo but it was true. He had started to want to spend time with Tim outside of work, well more time then usual. It had taken a while, but they had become quite close. They spent time together outside of work but still gave each other space and privacy, but over the past two months, Tony had invited him out almost every night when they didn't have a case. They went to bars, dinner, movies, even to the gym. At first, Tim had kind of liked the attention. No one had ever showed as much interest in wanting to spend time with him. Now it was...disconcerting. Tony wasn't acting like himself and Tim found that he really didn't like it when Tony wasn't acting like himself.

"Tim?" Tony prompted when he didn't say anything.

Tim hesitated. "I can't. Rain check?" Even if the new Tony kind of gave him the creeps, he still didn't want to offend his friend.

"Why?" Tony asked. "Got a hot date?" He asked on a laugh.

Tim froze in his steps a moment before he continued on. How had Tony managed to blundered into the truth?

It was Tony's turn to stop in his tracks. "Tim?" He said. "Do you..." He trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud when it could be true.

Tim stopped again. "I—I've been seeing someone." He admitted reluctantly.

Tony eyes widened in surprise. He hadn't known. He hadn't even suspected. "How—How long?" He asked hesitantly.

Tim shrugged, refusing to look at the other man. "A few months, I guess."

Tony blinked his brilliant green eyes. "So it's..." He hesitated. "Serious?" He finished after a minute.

Tim shrugged again, eyes still downcast. "It depends on your definition on serious."

"I'd define seeing the same woman for a few months serious, Tim."

Tim just shrugged again, not saying anything.

Tony wasn't sure how he felt. He had thought that they were closer than brothers but the fact that Tim hadn't even _**hinted **_ at this new relationship proved he was wrong about that. He had kept his relationship with Ziva secret, sure, but this was somehow different.

Tim looked at his friend and saw the funny expression on his face. "Look, Tony, it's not..." He stopped. "I never—'' He sighed. "It's just..._**complicated.**_" He finished lamely.

Tony nodded. He understood how _**complicated**_ it was. He sighed before walking away without another word. But understanding didn't make it hurt any less.

Tim watched him go with a sigh. It _**was**_ complicated. Not with just Ziva, but with everyone. He just didn't think that anyone would understand about his relationship with Meg Cole.

Tim had met Meg at, of all places, Jimmie Palmer's engagement party. Meg was Breena's cousin, on her mother's side. She was a thirty-six year old computer programer and had not led a particularly happy life. Her mother had died shortly before Meg's fifteenth birthday. According to Breena, it hadn't exactly been a devastating loss, as she hadn't been at all motherly. As Meg's father had disappeared from her life years before, she had moved in with Breena's family and had lived there until she had married at seventeen to her, first boyfriend. The marriage had not ended..._**well... **_So she understood, somewhat, about how Tim felt because she felt the same way. That's one of the reasons why he liked spending time with her. He didn't have to explain anything. She just got it. It also didn't hurt that she was as different from Ziva as day was from night. Meg was pretty but not exotically beautiful and fun in ways only someone like Tim could appreciate. She had never killed anyone, she didn't carry a gun, she didn't know how to throw a knife and she used paper clips only in the way they were meant to be used. They ate the same foods, they read the same books, watched the same TV programs, listened to the same music and even played the same games. She was, for all intents and purposes, the perfect woman for him. And he was completely...**_disinterested._**

Which was the main reason why he was going to marry her.

Because if Meg left him today or twenty years from today, there was no chance of him getting hurt. Because he didn't love her. The second reason why he intended to marry her was because she had no chance of getting hurt. _**She**_ didn't love **_him_**. He reveled in that fact.

Tim McGee had had enough of other peoples' _**love.**_

_**-NCIS-**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**_

_**-NCIS-**_

_**A FEW DAYS LATER...**_

"That the new girlfriend, Probie?" Tony sneered as Tim hung up the phone. "Of course, you can't really call her 'new' since you've been seeing her for _**months**_."

Tim's hand left his phone to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Tony,_** please.**_" Tim begged wearily as he settled back into his gray desk chair. Ever since Tony had found out that Tim had been seeing someone he had made snide and sometimes downright vicious comments. Tim tried not to become offended. He knew that he had hurt his friend and this was just his way of striking back, but it was hard, especially when he really got started. He hoped that by pleading with him, Tim could stop him before he got started.

There was silence from Tony's corner and Tim breathed a sigh of relief, which proved to be short lived.

"So." Tony said after a minute. "When do I get to meet your mystery woman?" He asked, his voice neutral.

Tim froze as he tried to find a way out of this but realized that sooner or later he would have to tell Tony about his relationship with Meg, especially if he wanted to ask Tony to be his best man. Might as well as get it over with. "How about tonight?" Tim asked, resigned.

"Tonight?" Tony asked, surprised. He hadn't expected it to happen this quickly, given how he had acted these past few days.

"Yeah." Tim said, turning slightly toward Tony's desk. "We're—" He stopped, not sure he was ready to do this. "We're having supper with Jimmy and Breena. You can tag along if you want." Tim said. "That is if you don't have plans already." He finished after a second.

"Sure!" Tony eagerly accepted. "I'd like that!" He said happily, wanting a chance to make up for how he had been acting. Yeah, he picked and poked fun, but Tony had crossed a line lately and he knew it. "I don't have any plans that can't be changed." He said absently, thinking about the date to have drinks with Abby and Ziva he had made when he wasn't really speaking to Tim. They would have to change it to the next night. It would probably be even better tomorrow since it was Saturday and they weren't suppose to work. He might even be able to convince Tim and Jimmy to come. He'd talk to them tonight. Jimmy would...Tony froze. Jimmy. Why did the thought of Jimmy bother him so much? Tony's eyes widened as he replayed the conversation he had just had with Tim in his head.

Tony jumped up from his seat and stalked angrily to where Tim sat, spinning him the rest of the way around until he faced Tony. "Palmer!" He exclaimed incredulously. "You told _**Jimmy Palmer!" **_Tony didn't even try to hide his anger or his hurt. "Who else knows? Ducky? Gibbs? The mail guy? Am I the last to find out?"

"Hey." Tim said gently. "Jimmy only knows because we met at his engagement party. It's Breena's cousin, Meg. No one else knows." He said softly.

Tony had started to relax but stiffened again, even angrier. "The engagement party!" He asked in disbelief. "That's more then a few months ago, Tim!"

Tim didn't say anything, just stared into Tony's hurt green eyes. What else was there to say, really? How could he justify keeping this secret from his best friend? Even if he could tell him the truth, he didn't want to. How do you tell someone that you 'hooked up' with a woman because she was someone that held no interest to you? How do you tell someone that you _**liked**_ not caring about her? How do you tell someone that you _**liked**_ her not caring about you? How do you tell someone that you plan to marry a woman simply because you _**didn't **_love her and she _**didn't**_ love you? How do you tell someone that you were _**that**_ damaged?Especially when that someone was your brother? And Tony was his brother—no like or almost to it.

The answer, Tim realized, was quite simple. You didn't. Because he couldn't possibly understand. So he said nothing.

Tony stood up furiously, shaking his head in disgust. "I guess I should just be grateful that I stumbled onto the truth before you decided to get married!"

Tim got a deer in the headlights look and Tony got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Probie?" Tony said pleading with Tim to say he was wrong. That he had misunderstood.

Tim forced a smile and stood up. "Congratulate me, Tony!" He said in a fake happy tone. "I'm getting married and I want you to be my best man!"

"M-M-Married?" Tony sputtered in disbelief. "You're getting _**married**_!"

Tim nodded.

"You can't be serious!" He exclaimed. "This has to be some kind of sick joke!"

"Do you really think I would joke about this!" Tim asked incredulously.

No. Tim wouldn't joke about this. Because it wasn't funny. Raged bubbled in Tony. How could Tim do this to Ziva? Didn't he know that him and Ziva belonged together? Tim was ruining everything! After all she has been through Ziva certainly didn't deserve this! Tony was fiercely glad that they were the only ones in the bullpen. Ziva didn't need to hear that Tim was going to marry another woman like this. Fear filled Tony and suddenly, Tony wanted to hurt Tim. He narrowed his green orbs and a spiteful look came onto his face. "What? Ziva wouldn't have you so you grab onto the first woman who pays you even the slightest bit of attention?" He said hatefully, not caring that he was giving away that he knew about Ziva and Tim. "Well, news flash—Meg Cole was only nice to you because Breena felt sorry for you and asked her to be!" Tony's tone was biting and cruel. "And if she's actually going to marry _**you**_," he sneered. "it's only because she wants something from you—and you can bet it's _**not**_ the dull, boring life she's signed on for by becoming your wife!" His words were vicious in a way that he had never used before with the man that was a brother to him, not even these last three or four days since Tony had found out that Tim was seeing someone else. They were designed to hurt and Tony knew that his daggers had struck home even before the wounded look came onto Tim's expressive face. Regret replaced his rage but Tony didn't retract his words.

Tim opened his mouth but closed it when he found that he couldn't force any words past the thick lump in his throat. Besides, Tim knew that Tony had only lashed out in hurt and anger. Tim couldn't deliberately hurt anyone he cared so much about—especially not his older brother. And Tim couldn't really dispute what Tony's words. Everything that he had said was true. And while the words stung, it was the truth behind them and that it had been Tony that said them that hurt the most. So Tim didn't say anything, just moved around his friend and walked out of the bullpen, Tony still in the same spot, watching him leave.

Caught up as they were in their own turmoil, neither Tony or Tim noticed Ziva standing slightly in the shadows with an anguished look on her face.

_**~NCIS~**_

Tim opened his eyes as soon as he heard his bathroom door close and sighed. His mind was still on his fight with Tony earlier that day. He was glad that they were not on call this weekend because he probably wouldn't get any rest. And he didn't think he would be able to face Tony. He had been surprised that Tony had known about him and Ziva but after thinking about it, he realized he shouldn't have been. Tony had never learned the concept of other people's privacy. He also wondered who else knew and then he realized it really didn't matter because he really didn't care.

Tim sighed again. Sometimes he didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't help but wonder if marrying Meg was the right thing. It seemed to be what he had wanted, now he wasn't so sure. He couldn't help but wonder if he was doing Meg a disservice by marrying her. He was the one that talked her into it. It seemed to him that life had given them both a raw deal and this was a way for them to get their own back. To thumb their noses up at the ones who had hurt them and say, _**see**_, we weren't enough for you but we've found someone who we are good enough for. But now it seemed like he was taking away Meg's chance to find someone who would love her the way he didn't and could give her the life he couldn't.

The bathroom door opened and Meg walked out wrapped in one of his big, fluffy bath sheets. "Sorry." She said, hesitating before continuing on to the dresser. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." He replied, turning over onto his back and putting an arm behind his head. He watched her slip on a t-shirt over the towel and put on a clean pair of underwear. Where Ziva had had no problem being naked with him, Meg was quite modest. She refused to sleep with him in the nude and wouldn't get undressed without the lights being turned off. Tim suspected that it had something to do with her ex-husband but he never asked and she never said. Meg pulled the towel off when she was dressed and threw it into the hamper that rested beside the dresser. It was a knew addition to his bedroom, having appeared one day, just like the clothes that lay in the drawer that Meg had claimed and the bath products that rested beside his own in the bathroom. He had similar things at her place, clothes that he hadn't even known she had taken over there for him and stuff that she had discovered he liked that she had bought for him without having to be asked so that he could be comfortable there. Even Jethro had a new bed, bowls, food, and other stuff there. In his relationships before, even with Ziva, Tim would have had to bring that stuff himself because their home was their home and his home was his home. But Meg, after they had started to spend so much of their free time together, had blended each of their places where it just wasn't _**her**_ house and _**his**_ apartment, but both places were _**theirs. **_Tim found the little things that she did to take care of him endearing. No one had ever made such considerations for him before. He found that he liked it.

Meg pulled the sheet and comforter back and slid into the bed beside him. "Is there anything wrong?" She asked, settling against the headboard and reaching down for his hand, linking their fingers. Tim had been unusually quiet and distracted since he had picked her up and there was something about the way that he held himself, even now, that said to her he had been hurt somehow.

Tim turned his head to look at her, bringing their linked hands to his lips, kissing her soft, sweet-smelling skin tenderly. This was how he liked her best, strawberry blond hair falling loose around her face, spilling down her back, pretty face devoid of make-up, smelling of cherries and vanilla, a scent that didn't smell the same on anyone else as it did on her. This was the woman she didn't show to anyone else. This Meg was so different then the one she presented to the world; the consummate professional, in her tailored suits, designer shoes, her hair pinned tightly back, make-up expertly done, contacts in even though she much preferred the glasses she wore with him. He'd asked her once why she wore contacts if she hated them so much and she told him that others' saw glasses as a weakness and she couldn't afford to be seen as weak by anyone.

"Tim?" Meg inquired softly when he didn't answer.

"No, Meg." He said, coming out of his thoughts. "Nothing's wrong." He said quietly, looking into her clear blue-green eyes.

A sympathetic look came across her face. "You were thinking of her again, weren't you?"

Tim stiffened. "No. I wasn't thinking of Ziva." He said, no inflection in his voice. Tim still found it hard to talk about Ziva with Meg, even though it was Meg he had went to after realizing he had no one else to go to the night Ziva had tore down his carefully structured world. It was that night that had really changed their relationship. That night was what made him wonder if they could make a go of marriage.

Tim loosened their hands and swinging his legs off the bed, sitting up.

Meg stared at this bare back for a moment. "It's—okay if you were. I don't mind." And she really didn't. Meg knew that Tim still loved Ziva. It was just one of the things that she admired about him. His capacity to love and never let go. Without being told, she could tell that there had been very little love in his life and that he could still love so...so..._**completely...**_ just stunned her.

"I said I wasn't thinking of her!" He exclaimed tightly, jumping up and angrily pulling on the pajama bottoms that laid on the floor beside his king-size bed. "I was thinking of Tony! We—we had an argument today." He said in a softer voice.

So that was what was wrong! Meg knew instinctively that it wasn't one of their normal arguments but could tell he wasn't ready to talk about it yet so she left it alone. "I—I didn't mean to upset you, Tim." Meg said from her place on the bed. "I just wanted you to know that it doesn't bother me."

Tim spun around to face her."But it should, Meg!" He exclaimed. "Don't you see? It should bug the hell out of you!"

"But it doesn't." Meg said with a shrug.

The irrational anger and tightness that had filled him receded from his body, leaving Tim feeling dejected. Meg was telling the truth. It really _**didn't**_ bother her that Ziva was still so much in his thoughts. Because they weren't in love. They weren't close to falling in love and they would never _**be**_ in love. Tim sat down heavily on the bed. "Meg." He said wearily, shaking his head. "Oh, Meg, what are we doing?''

Meg stared at his broad, bare back for a long time before answering. "We are two, intelligent, consenting adults who like and trust one another. We are entering into a relationship with our eyes wide open. We know that its not going to be a conventional marriage and are okay with that because that's what we like about it. We are both just glad to have someone to come home to. We're both glad not be alone anymore." Meg said at last. "That's what we are doing, Tim, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all."

_**~NCIS~**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!**_

~_**NCIS~**_

Tim took a deep breath and let it out. "Are you sure about that, Meg?" He asked without turning to face her. "Are you sure that there's nothing wrong with a marriage not based on love? With planning on bringing children into such a relationship?"

Meg scooted over so she could lay a hand on Tim's bare shoulder. "People get married for a lot of different reasons, Tim." She said, squeezing his shoulder. "Love changes, passion fades, fire burns out. But caring, respect and trust are things that can be built upon. Any children that we are blessed with will be raised in a home that will be filled with caring and laughter. We will support them and encourage them and be there for them, just like we will be for each other." They had promised when they had started this that they would stand together, present a united front, always be there for each other. Just because they didn't love each other didn't mean they didn't care about each other. "Our children, when they are old enough, may not see love between us, but they will see that we care deeply for one another. That we respect one another. That we trust one another." Meg pressed her face against the cool skin of his back. "I think we will do well together, Tim. I think we'll have a good marriage, a good life." Meg paused. "Maybe even a happy life." She felt Tim stiffen. "Tim?" She questioned, wondering why the thought of them having a happy life bothered him.

He pulled gently away from her and stood up. "I—I'm just so confused, Meg." He told her, avoiding answering her. It wasn't a lie. His thoughts were swirling so much in his head that he couldn't really tell what he thought. On top of that, what Tony had said had hurt him deeply. It was so close to what his sister had said when Tim had called to tell her about his wedding. Having two people who knew him so well, point out a few truths made his doubts come to the surface. He wanted the life that Meg had just described, with children and laughter and happiness, even though he wasn't sure if it was possible for him to be truly happy without Ziva, but could he have that life? Would his children want a father like him or would they just find him lacking, as everyone else did? What did he really have to offer? Now, Tony had a lot to offer. Tony would be a great dad. A cool dad. With his movies,sports ability, pranking ability, charm and street smarts, Tony was any child's dream. How could plain, old Tim McGee compete with that?

Meg stared at him in silence for a long few minutes. "I would let you go, if that is what you wanted." She said finally, her voice quiet.

Tim swung around to face her, fear in his eyes. "No,Meg! No!" He exclaimed. "That's not what I want at all!" And it wasn't, he realized. Even if he wasn't sure what he could really offer Meg or any children they might have, he still wanted to try, if that was what she wanted.

Meg dropped her eyes, not meeting Tim's. "I'm just saying that I will release you from your promise,if-if—"She swallowed hard and tried again."If this is no longer what you want, Tim, all you have to do is say so."

Tim sat on the bed in front of her. "I do still want to marry you, Meg. I still want _**us**_."

"We don't have to get married to build a life together, Tim."

Tim cupped her face gently. "I want a wife, Meg." He didn't have the words to explain what having a wife meant to him. To have someone of his _**own**_. Someone that would belong to _**him**_.

Meg searched his brilliant green eyes, looking for an answer to a question that only she knew.

"If you're sure." She said uncertainly.

Tim breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm sure." He said before kissing her gently.

_**~NCIS~**_

Tim parked his car in Gibbs' driveway, wondering what he was doing here. He hadn't been able to calm his thoughts after his talk with Meg. So he had decided to go for a drive. Driving, for some strange reason always managed to soothe him. He hadn't had any direction in particular he wanted to go, so finding himself on Gibbs' street had been quite a surprise. It seemed like his sub-conscious had decided that it was time for that talk with Gibbs.

He had never ventured here on his own volition, only when Gibbs had needed something from him. He had thought about it. A lot. But he had never been sure of his welcome. Tim had heard Gibbs say often that his door was always opened, but he had never let himself believe that that invitation truly included him.

Tim got out of his car slowly, wondering what he was going to say, how he should explain why he was here. Should he say anything about Meg? Tim almost snorted with laughter. Of course he would have to tell Gibbs about Meg. If Tony hadn't said anything by now, he soon would.

Tim paused at the bottom of the steps, wondering again, what he should say. Could he tell Gibbs everything? About how they met? How at first, their relationship had been fun and casual, each providing the other with something that they needed without having to risk being in a committed relationship. Could he tell his boss, who considered Ziva his daughter, that he hadn't got serious with Meg until after Ziva's confession? Could he really tell Gibbs that he had been _**grateful**_ that he had Meg after Ziva had turned his life upside down? Grateful that he had her to lavish his attention on, because he had been so afraid that without Meg and his upcoming marriage to her to hold his concentration, that he would become Ziva's doormat again. No, he couldn't. But that didn't mean he couldn't talk to his boss about everything else.

Before he could change his mind, and convince himself that showing up at 1:00 in the morning to talk about his romantic problems with his taciturn boss wasn't the brightest idea he had ever had, Tim rushed up the stairs. Tim paused for a minute before raising his hand to the knob to turn it but before he could, the door opened to reveal Gibbs in jeans and t-shirt, glare in full force.

"What are you doing here, McGee!" He asked harshly.

Tim blinked, surprised at the slight hostility. "I-I wanted to talk to you, Boss."

Gibbs stared at Tim and almost groaned out loud in frustration. This kid had to have the _**absolutely WORST**_ timing in the world!

"Can I come in, Boss?" Tim asked with a sinking feeling in his stomach, afraid that he already knew the answer.

Gibbs debated for a minute, but in the end he really didn't have a choice. "Is it important, McGee?"

Tim thought for a minute. It was important to him, of course, but he wasn't sure if Gibbs would think it was important. He shrugged, not knowing what to say.

Gibbs sighed, hating himself for what he was about to do. "Then come back later." He said, then shut the door in his youngest agents shocked face without saying another word. He hesitated a moment before turning the lock, just in case Tim got it into his head to come in anyway.

Tim stood there in shock for a few minutes, then slowly trudged back to his car, his head down and his shoulders slumped, a ache deep in his chest. Well, at least now he knew where he stood with Gibbs.

Tim sat in his boss' driveway for a few minutes, not knowing what to do, then forced himself into action, suddenly afraid that if he didn't leave, Gibbs would come out and chase him away. And to think that he had been worried about being _**welcome**_ in Gibbs' inner sanctum. He scoffed silently to himself as he cast one last, sad look at the house before driving away. Tim gave a bitter laugh. He hadn't been allowed to **_enter_**.

As he left Gibbs' street, Tim blamed the stinging in his eyes on the harsh winter wind that came through the crack in his door window.

_**~NCIS~**_


	6. Chapter 6

_DISCLAIMER:I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!_

_~NCIS~_

Gibbs cast a glace towards his green couch, assuring himself that his two guests were still conked out, before moving to look out his window. He felt even worse when he saw Tim still standing on his porch. His youngest looked so much like a little boy; confused, sad, hurt, and alone. So very, very alone. Gibbs absolutely _loathed_ himself for turning his boy away. But what else could he have done? Tony and Ziva had showed up on his doorstep an hour ago, drunk, ranting and raving about Tim. He hadn't been able to determine exactly what was wrong before they passed out and Abby, who had been out with them, didn't know what was going on. She had only gotten bits and pieces out of them as they drunk themselves under the table, nothing making much sense. Gibbs knew that something had happened that afternoon. He had left to get coffee and when he came back to the bullpen, he had found his senior field agent silent—which in itself was strange enough—and with a thunderous expression on his face. His junior agent was quiet, also; sullen and morose, a hurt look in his expressive green eyes. And Ziva—well Ziva, had completely disappeared. No, Gibbs didn't know what was going on with his kids, but the churning in his gut told him it wasn't good.

Gibbs watched as Tim slowly made his way back to his car, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He had never, in all his years as team leader, turned one of his agents away from his door and had never considered that there would come a time that he would do so. He hated the fact that he had to start with Tim. Gibbs knew how insecure he was at times. He knew how uncertain Tim was of where he stood with Gibbs. He knew that Tim would take this to heart and he despised himself for hurting the man he considered his youngest son. Gibbs knew that Tim felt rejected by him right now. As he watched his youngest agents tail lights fade from sight, his gut told him he would be lucky if Tim came back later in the morning. He'd be lucky if Tim ever willingly darkened his doorstep again.

He turned and walked to his kitchen so he could start a pot of coffee, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he went. He had a feeling that he was going to need re-enforcements. "Hey, Duck..."

~_NCIS~_

Meg looked up from her spot on Tim's king-sized bed when Tim walked into his bedroom an hour later. "How did it go?" She asked.

Tim sighed. "It didn't." He said as he emptied his pockets on his dresser.

"Oh." She said, looking at his tense shoulders. "You didn't get around to talking about—"

"I didn't get to talk to him at all." Tim interrupted, trying to toe his shoe off. "Gibbs wouldn't even let me step foot inside his house." He said bitterly as he reached down to pull of his shoe when he couldn't get it off without untying it. "Told me to come back later when I asked if I could come in and shut the door in my face."

"Ouch."

Tim laughed harshly as he struggled to get his shoe off. "And if that wasn't enough to put me in my place..." He trailed off as he angrily jerked his shoe off and chucked it against the wall.

Meg jumped as the size 10 hit and bounced off the wall. "Tim!" She exclaimed, startled.

He clenched his hands into fists. "Then he locked the door." He said, breathing hard. "He locked the door, Meg!"

Meg looked at him with sad blue-green eyes. _'Talk about adding insult to injury.'_ She thought, shaking her head.

The energy left Tim and he slumped on the end of the bed, his back to her,shirt untucked, one shoe on. "He didn't have to do that, Meg." Tim said in barely a whisper, shaking his head. "I wouldn't have come in." His breath stuck in his chest for a minute. "I don't go where I'm not wanted." He said when he could breath again.

Tears stung her eyes as Meg pushed aside her work and came to her knees, scooting close so that she could snake her slender arms around his middle, pressing her body securely against his, resting her chin on his shoulder. "I know, Tim."

Tim covered her hands with his and leaned back into her a little, grateful for the contact. "He didn't have to lock the door on me." Tim said, swallowing thickly around the lump in his throat. "Why—"He cleared his throat. "Why did he have to do that, Meg?"

A tear ran down her cheek as she realized that was what had wounded him the most—not that closing the door in his face hadn't stung—but to actually lock the door on Tim... She tightened her arms around him and turned to press a soft kiss into his neck, right below his ear. "I'm sorry, Tim." She breathed softly into his ear. "I'm so very sorry."

Tim sniffed discretely. "He said his door was always open." Tim said, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat again and closed his lids against the stinging in his eyes that he couldn't blame on the wind this time. He hadn't needed this. Not today. Not after his fight with Tony. Not after finding out that his grandmother wasn't coming to his wedding. He had known that his parents wouldn't come and he had figured that his sister probably wouldn't come. But Tim had hoped that his grandmother would come, especially knowing that no one else would be there on his side of the family. And then if what happened with Gibbs wasn't enough to kick him when he was down, he had called Ducky before heading home and the good doctor had brushed him off. Tim didn't even know what he had done to make Ducky mad at him. He closed his eyes tighter as he felt moisture slip down his cheek, when his thoughts came back to Gibbs. "Everyone knows about Gibbs open door policy and they use." He hoped that Meg wouldn't think he was any less of a man for letting this affect him the way that it had.

_But it wasn't open for me._ Tim didn't say it but Meg heard it loud and clear, another tear welling up and falling down her cheek. Meg loosened her arms and pulled away. "Shh." She whispered when Tim made a noise of protest, not wanting her to leave him just yet. "It's alright." Meg moved to his side, turning to through a leg over his lap so that she straddled him, a knee on each side of his hips. Her slim, ivory arms slipped under his arms, hugging him to her. She made no protest when Tim's arms snaked around her waist tightly as he buried his head in her shoulder.

Tim was suddenly fiercely glad that he had went to Gibbs place tonight. Whatever doubts that had lingered were gone now. He would marry Meg. She would be his family now. He didn't need anyone else. He swallowed hard again and his mind shied away from thoughts of anyone else but the woman he held in his arms. He would be happy with her. They would be happy together. Tim would make sure of that.

_~NCIS~_

Jimmy Palmer knocked on the door even though he knew it was open, and waited nervously for Gibbs to tell him to come in. He hadn't been surprised by Doctor Mallard's call asking him to come here. He had been expecting this for months, ever since Meg and Tim had got together. He'd known sooner or later that the team would find out. He'd been surprised that it had taken as long as it had. For people who discovered secrets for a living, they could be quite clueless at times.

Jimmy took a deep breath, opened the door, and walked in when he heard Gibbs call to him, following the smell of fresh brewed of coffee to the kitchen. He had never been to Gibbs house and was pleasantly surprised by the open, somewhat cheery decor. He had imagined a minimalist, bachelor home and then wondered why when he remembered that Gibbs had been married four times. He stood hesitantly in the doorway of the kitchen, waiting for the M.E. or Team Leader to acknowledge him. He gulped when Gibbs turned where he sat at the table and his icy blue eyes leveled on him. "There something you want to tell us, Palmer?"

~NCIS~

Abby raised her hand and rapped at Tim's apartment door. She had thought a lot about what was going on with Tim and Ziva after taking Tony and Ziva to Gibbs as they had asked and enough was enough! She didn't know what happened between her two friends but she would fix it! She would make Tim see that Ziva loved him. She would make him see that they belonged together! It was time for him to get over what ever it was that he needed to get over and make up with Ziva. She wanted her family to be happy again! Abby stubbornly knocked again when Tim didn't answer. She knew he was here. His car was in his parking space. And she knew that he was up because she had drove by just thirty minutes earlier and he hadn't been there. She blew out a frustrated breath and was fixing to knock again when the door open to reveal a woman she didn't know.

~NCIS~


	7. Chapter 7

_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!_

_~NCIS~_

Jimmy sat down in the chair that Gibbs offered him, taking note that the team leader was dressed more casually then he had ever seen him, in jeans and a black NCIS t-shirt. Jimmy took in Ducky's trademark dockers, blue oxford shirt and ever present bow-tie as he accepted the cup of strong black coffee that Ducky held out to him. He took a sip nervously as his light brown eyes moved back and forth between the team leader and the medical examiner. At any other time he would have been taking in every detail of Gibbs house, as he had never had cause to be there before and would probably never be there again,but he was too uneasy to look around. He put down his cup and took a deep breath and blew it out.

"I assume that you called me about Tim and Meg." He said and knew that he had made an ass of himself by the looks on the two older men faces.

"_Meg,_ Palmer?" Gibbs asked with narrowed, ice blue eyes. "Who the hell is Meg?" Gibbs' gut was churning. He had a bad feeling about this _Meg_.

"She's—She's Breena's cousin." He stammered, a sick feeling in his stomach.

Gibbs and Ducky looked at him in confusion.

"S-S-She's also T-T- Tim's f-f-f..." Jimmy stopped because he just couldn't get it out. He took another breath and tried to calm himself. How in the world had it came down to him to tell Tim's boss that he was engaged to be married?

"Spit it out, Palmer!" Gibbs said impatiently. His palm was itching to give Jimmy a head slap.

"Uh, well..." He sighed. "Meg and Tim are going to be married." He said reluctantly. "Three weeks after Breena and I." He added, though he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because of the way Gibbs had treated Tim the night before and the way Ducky had brushed Tim off. Anger bristled in Jimmy. Meg had called Breena after Tim had finally fallen asleep. Even though the autopsy gremlin had his own problems with Meg and Tim's upcoming marriage, he was fiercely glad that Tim hadn't returned to an empty apartment after the rejection he had received from both men. Even though he was sure that the team leader and medical examiner hadn't meant to hurt his friend, the fact was, they had. Added to that was the way that Tony had struck out at Tim. Jimmy knew that Tony thought of Tim as a little brother—they had talked about it many times—knew that Tim had hurt him by not confiding in him. Jimmy also knew that Tony was probably jealous, also, that Jimmy knew, even though he only knew because Meg was going to be family soon. And Tony was also feeling a little betrayed by Jimmy, too. But that still didn't give him the right to hurt Tim the way he had. The autopsy gremlin felt a bit of anger at his friend, but Tim didn't want that. He didn't want there to be any strife between the senior agent and the ME's assistant on his behalf. He didn't feel like it was right, even though Tim was the one who had put Jimmy in the middle.

_~NCIS~_

Abby stared at the leggy strawberry blond woman in confusion. She knew that she had the right place. Had Tim moved? "Hi, uh, is this your apartment?"

Meg's blue-green eyes narrowed behind her glasses. She recognized Jimmy and Tim's co-worker, even if Abby didn't remember her. What she didn't know was what the forensic specialist was doing here. In the months that she had been involved with Tim, especially the last few months, Jimmy was the only one of Tim's colleagues that had ever come to his apartment. She knew that Tony and Tim had been spending a lot of more time doing things out of work then they ever had before, but Tim had never invited him over here, always going to Tony's apartment for their movie and poker nights.

" Yes." Meg said. "My fiancee and I live here." It gave Meg a perverse kind of pleasure to be able to tell one of Tim's co-workers about their up-coming marriage. Especially this woman. She had heard a lot about Abby Sciuto and her treatment of Tim.

"Oh." Abby said, blinking.

"Are you here to see Tim , Abby?" Meg said, a smirk coming to her lips at the look on the raven haired woman's face.

"Do—Do you know me?" Abby asked in confusion.

"Yes. I'm Meg Cole. I'm Breena's cousin." She explained. "We met at Jimmy and Breena's engagement party."

Abby looked at the other woman again and she did look a little familiar. "Oh." Abby said. "Why are you and your fiancee here?"

Meg smiled. It wasn't a nice smile. "Tim and I live here. I've already told you that."

_~NCIS~_

"Married!" Gibbs asked incredulously.

"Timothy is getting married." Ducky said, shocked.

"Yes?" Jimmy said tentatively, nervously straitening his glasses and then smoothing down his long sleeve black t-shirt that was tucked into his black jeans.

"Why would he do that?" Gibbs exclaimed. He understood now what was wrong with Tony and Ziva.

Jimmy blinked. "I think that's pretty obvious!" It slipped out before he could stop it and as soon as he finished he wished he could stuff the words back in his mouth.

"And it never occurred to you to tell me, Mister Palmer?" Ducky asked heading off the explosion he could see was about to happen. Would the lad never learn to think before he spoke?

Jimmy shrugged under the two hostile gazes of the older men. "It wasn't my place to tell you." He hesitated a half-second. "_Any_ of you."

The way Jimmy said it made Ducky wonder what else he knew that Jimmy felt that wasn't his place to tell.

_~NCIS~_

Abby watched Meg with narrowed hazel eyes. "You live here with Tim?" She asked just to clarify that she hadn't heard wrong.

"Yes." Meg said, trying to hold on to her patience. This wasn't fun anymore. "Tim is my fiancee. We split our time between here and my house. We won't relocate permanently until after the wedding." Meg watched as the other woman's eyes grew with each word. Normally, Meg wouldn't have given out that kind of personal information but she wanted to make it known that Tim and her were a team. Meg had had just about enough of Tim's so called friends. She was staking her claim. It didn't matter if they loved each other or not. Tim McGee was her friend. He was going to be her husband. He belonged to her now, just as she belonged to him. She would not stand by anymore and watched as these people hurt him.

_~NCIS~_

Ducky waited until he saw Jimmy's car disappear before he went back to the kitchen.

"Jethro?" He questioned, stopping beside his friends chair.

Gibbs was still in the same place he had left him, his head in his hands. He raised his head at Ducky's voice, running his hands over his face. "Oh, Duck. What have I done?" He asked, shaking his head. "What have I done?"

Ducky quietly took his chair. "You have done nothing, my friend." He said, taking off his glasses and absently cleaning them. "You did not break Ziva's heart." He replaced his glasses, a bit of anger coming into his tone. "That privilege belongs solely to Timothy."

Gibbs scrubbed at his face again. "No. What I've done is much, much worse." He looked at the M.E with sorrowful blue eyes. "I gave her hope, Duck." He said, shaking his head.

~_NCIS~_

"Wait a minute." Abby said, holding a hand up. "Tim's marrying _you?" _She sputtered.

Just the way she said 'you' offended Meg. "I've already told you that." She snapped, her voice hard. "Twice."

"Where's Tim?" Abby asked, trying to push past Meg. "I want to talk to him." She wouldn't believe this until Timmy told her himself. He wouldn't do this to Ziva. Would he? Suddenly she wasn't so sure.

"Tim's out walking Jethro." Meg said, not letting Abby past her. At first, she had intended to ask the lab rat in to wait for Tim, but now she wasn't so sure that would be a good idea, given the way Abby just tried to bulldoze her way in past Meg. The strawberry blond woman placed a manicured hand on the Goth's pink clad arm. "I think it would be best if you left for now, Abby." Meg said firmly. "Given the way that Tim had been treated recently, he needs a little space." Meg was just itching to tell the other woman what she thought of her—well, what she thought of all of them, but she knew that Tim wouldn't for fighting his battles for him. And it wouldn't change anything if she did but in. They were the way they were.

"They way _Tim's_ been treated?" Abby sputtered in disbelief. "_Tim_ needs space?" Abby drew herself up to her full height. "What about the way he treating Ziva? What about the way he's treated Tony?" She practically screamed.

"What about the way I'm treating Ziva and Tony, Abby?" Tim's quiet voice asked from behind her before Meg could open her mouth to say anything.

Abby swung around and stalked the short distance that separated the forensic scientist from the computer genius. "How could you do this to Ziva?" She yelled, almost in his face. "You're ruining everything!"

"This is none of my doing, Abby!" He exclaimed in a rage filled voice, brilliant green eyes flashing. "I'm not ruining anything!" Tim pushed past Abby, putting Jethro in the apartment. He must have felt his master's turbulent emotions because he had a constant low growl in his throat. "There's nothing to ruin!" He turned back around to face Abby and felt Meg slip a hand into his. "Ziva left _me_. I'm not doing anything except moving on with my life!"

"What about Ziva?" Abby wailed.

"She didn't want me." There was a wealth of bitterness in those four softly spoken words.

Meg heard the hurt underneath the bitterness and tightened her grip on his hand, conveying her presence, letting him know that he wasn't alone. That he would never be alone again. Even if their marriage didn't work out, neither of them would ever be alone again. They would be a part of each others lives for the rest of their lives.

_~NCIS~_


	8. Chapter 8

_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!_

_There is a part in here that others might consider a little risque. I don't. But if I'm wrong, then I'm sorry. I don't think it requires a higher rating. But if it does please let me know._

_~NCIS~_

After Abby left, Tim quietly went into his apartment, followed by Meg. His thoughts were in turmoil. He sighed as he sat down on his bed. It was really the only place to sit in his small place. He actually liked staying at Meg's place the best. She had done a lot here, but her townhouse was more..._homey._ He felt a soft hand on his face and he looked up into Meg's worried blue-green eyes.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Tim shook his head. "It's always me, Meg." He said. "I'm always the bad guy. Ziva still wants me, so I must have been the one who broke up with her. It never even occurred to her or Tony that Ziva was the one who started all this."

Meg moved to stand between Tim's open, jean clad legs. She didn't say anything as his arms circled her waist and he buried his face in her chest. Meg's arms went around his neck to clasp behind his head, holding him to her; providing him with the anchor he needed to ground him so he didn't get lost in the emotions that were welling up inside him again.

_~NCIS~_

Abby entered Gibbs house at a fast pace. "Gibbs! Gibbs! Gibbs!" She yelled as she clomped down the hall in her favorite platform boots. She changed directions when she heard a voice call from the kitchen. She went into the Gibbs brightly kitchen to find Tony, Ducky and Gibbs seated at the table.

"Gibbs! I've been to Tim's apartment." She stopped to take a breath. "McGee's—"

"I know, Abby." Gibbs interrupted. "Palmer told us."

Abby opened her mouth to say something then stopped and blinked big hazel eyes at Gibbs. "Wait a minute—_Jimmy_ knows?" After she asked it she realized that she should have known that already. "Well, of course he knows. Meg is Breena's cousin." Abby pulled out a chair and sat down. "Well, what are we going to do about it?"

All three men looked at the Goth in disbelief, but it was Gibbs that spoke. "There is nothing to do. McGee is getting married."

There was silence for a moment.

"He can't possibly love her." Tony said, breaking the silence. He lifted blurry red eyes to look at the other occupants at the table. "He's known her, for what? Seven months?" Tony shook his head. "There's no way that Tim is in love with—with—_that_ woman." Tony had only met her once and that had been for only a few hours but he was prepared to hate her. "We all know how he felt about Ziva. We all saw them together. There is no way that has changed in such a short time." Tony suddenly pushed away from the table and jumped up. He had to steady himself on his feet and cursed silently for getting so frustrated. "What is _WRONG_ with him?"

_~NCIS~_

Meg wasn't sure how long they stayed there like they were. It felt like just a few minutes before Tim was pulling away and looking up at her but it had to be at least an hour because her legs were getting tired from standing in one spot.

"Feel any better?" She could tell by the sadness in his sea green eyes that he wasn't.

"I guess." He gave her a half halfhearted smile. He leaned and put his chin on Meg's chest and looked up into her blue-green eyes.

Meg just looked at him for a minute, she wished she could do something to chase away the sadness that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in him. "Do you still want to go to the movie?" She asked. They had planned to go to a movie and then to eat afterward, before Abby had made her appearance.

Tim absolutely _loved_ going to the movie theater with Meg. She turned into a different person when they watched a movie. She could put away more junk food then Tony, her movie knowledge rivaled his and she yelled interesting, sarcastic and sometimes down right _obscene_ things at the screen. She was positively _fascinating_. Tim would rather watch her then the screen and the best thing was—Breena said that she didn't act that way with anyone else. It was something that was just his. He liked that. But he didn't feel like that today.

Tim shook his head. "I'm not in the mood anymore, Meg." He tried another smile. "I need a distraction, but that's not it."

Meg stared into his brilliant green eyes for a moment then she maneuvered herself until she straddled his lap, much as she had the night before, just this time she had something more than comfort in mind. Tim raised an eyebrow at her and she just grinned. Then she gave him a sloppy, open mouthed kiss that made him moan as he closed his eyes. She pulled back a little so she could nibble on his lips the way he liked. When she went in for another kiss she let her tongue sneak out to trace his lips.

Tim opened his mouth in invitation and her tongue explored his mouth thoroughly before pulling his into her mouth and sucking on it, causing another moan to escape his throat. Meg didn't pull back until his lungs was burning from lack of air. As he gasped, bringing in much needed oxygen, Meg moved on to his neck, kissing and sucking until she hit _that_ spot on his neck—the one that always made him hot. Her soft hands moved with barely there touches, tweaking his t-shirt covered nipples and then moving down, pushing his gray MIT t-shirt up and over his head and he hurriedly shucked it the rest of the way off, Meg kissed down his chest as far as she could reach, then moved back up.

"What are—ahhh—you doing, honey?" Tim asked, giving a shiver as she sucked on _that_ spot again, driving him wild.

Meg pulled away and he almost whimpered. "I'm trying to distract you." She gave him a decidedly nasty smile. "Is it working?"

Tim felt himself stirring and it wasn't just from her lips and feather light touches—or that smile he had never seen her wear before, but had made him hot. Meg had never initiated anything between them before, not in the bedroom. Just some hugs and sweet kisses. Another difference between her and Ziva. Ziva had been secure, confident, in her appeal to the opposite sex. Meg was as insecure as he was when it came to body image. He fell back onto the bed, bringing her with him so that she was on top of him. He let out a carefree laugh as he looked up into her beautiful blue-green eyes and pressed his hips up into hers. "Yeah. I'd say it's working."

Meg searched his eyes. The shadows were still lurked in the green depths but the sadness that was always there was pushed back. She would settle for that. _For now._ Was her last thought as Tim slid his hands under her dark green blouse.

_~NCIS~_

"There is nothing wrong with him." A quiet voice said from the kitchen doorway. "He is doing nothing wrong."

Everyone turned to see Ziva there, leaning against the door frame as if she needed it to hold her up. She was very rumbled having slept in her tight cargo jeans and violet scoop neck top and her pale face was lined with pain, both physical and emotional.

"Tim said that he was just moving on with his life." Abby broke the silence that had settled over the room. "He said that you are the one that left him." Abby stared at the other woman, because she hadn't known that.

"Yes, I did." Ziva said simply, taking in the astonished looks that came with her admission. "I left him and when I came to my senses he was already involved with someone else." Ziva moved slowly to the table and sat down.

"They're living together." Abby said, giving the information that she had gathered when she had gone to Tim's apartment.

Ziva smiled when Tony's unsteady hand appeared in front of her with a cup of Gibbs' strong black coffee. She took it and the bottle of pain reliever that was in his other hand. She waited while he sat back down then looked at them with her red eyes, choosing carefully what she wanted to say.

"I know that you all are upset with Tim on my behalf and I thank you for that." She said, uncapping the red and white bottle and taking out some of the contents. "But he has done nothing and is doing nothing wrong." She recapped the bottle and handed it back to Tony. "I broke up with him." Ziva swallowed the medicine down with a drink of the scalding black drink and didn't even wince. "Tim has found someone else and even if I did manage to convince him of my sincerity in wanting to give our relationship another try, he would not leave her now that he has made a commitment to her." She gave the table a smile tinged with sadness. "And we would be disappointed in him if he did, yes?" Ziva asked, seeing their answers in their faces. "Because then he would not be our McGee, would he?"

_~NCIS~_

Tim looked at the sleeping woman in his arms, confused. He had been feeling something for Meg lately. Something he hadn't ever felt before. Was this love? He wondered. He hadn't thought it was. Not at first. Now he couldn't help but be unsure. How did one define love? What he felt about Meg was different than what he had felt about any other. He knew that he had never loved Abby. He had just wanted someone. And what he felt for Ziva was so very _different_ then what was in his heart for Meg. It burned brightly and his heart still ached with the loss of her, even after a year apart. But was it love? Or was it just that he wanted to be loved by someone so much that he had contorted love to make it fit a relationship that it had no business being a part of? He wasn't sure he knew what love was. Love, like happiness had been an elusive thing in his life. Tim wasn't sure he had ever loved anyone. He wasn't sure he even knew how to love. Love wasn't something he had much experience with. He had never been loved. Not really. Not by the distant parents that had refused to talk to him after he had chosen a life of his own instead of the one that they had planned for him. Not by the sister that only came around when she needed something from him. And not by the well-meaning but flighty grandmother that had moved on to the next crusade when he hadn't needed saving anymore. Tim looked at Meg again. Did she know what love was? Had she ever been loved? Tim thought about everything he had learned from Breena and from observing Meg. Tim thought about the things that Breena had said about Meg's mother. He remembered the pictures that Breena had showed him of Meg as a child, as a new bride and he thought not. Even then there had been an air of sadness about her.

Tim gently pulled away, trying not to wake her. He stood beside the bed for a long time just looking at her, the way she had curled up with his pillow as if she was already missing his presence, the way her strawberry blond hair fanned out around her, and he felt something stirring in his heart again and he wondered for a second time if this could be love. He truly didn't know. Would he ache for her as he did Ziva if she wasn't there? He didn't believe he would. They didn't have the kind of relationship as he had had with Ziva. He knew he would miss her if she ever decided to leave him. But was that love? Or was it just friendship and deep caring? He was just so confused. And he really hoped that it wasn't love because that was not what he wanted. He wanted what they had agreed upon when they started this and nothing else. He wished fervently that he had someone to talk too, someone who he could ask what love was; but he didn't. He had already tried to talk to Gibbs—not that Tim would have started something so embarrassing as that conversation would have been. But he had hoped that Gibbs could have sorted out some of his confusion. Tim had tried to talk to Ducky about, well, _everything_, but he had blew him off. Even if he Tony was talking to him, he couldn't have asked him about any of this and Abby was just out of the question for a variety of reasons. Tim had thought a lot about talking to Jimmy. They had become quite good friends in the past few months. But Jimmy had his own problems with Tim's upcoming marriage and they were very different from the ones that the rest of the team would have. Tim sighed as he gave Meg one last glance before heading into the bathroom, his mind caught up in not only thoughts of love, Meg and Ziva, but the rest of the team as well.

_~NCIS~_

_I know it seems that I'm going back and forth here, but just imagine how confused someone would be if they were in the same place. And this is still a McGiva fic. Things will start to come together in the next few chapters._


	9. Chapter 9

_DISCLAIMER:I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!_

_~NCIS~_

Gibbs let the phone ring until the voice mail came on then he clicked his phone off with a sigh. He wasn't surprised or even angry that his youngest agent was avoiding his calls. Gibbs put his coffee cup down on his counter and headed for his basement. He needed something a little stronger than coffee.

~_NCIS~_

Meg looked over to where Tim sat holding his phone as she came out of the bathroom holding her make-up bag. "Your boss, again?" She asked as she smoothed down the skirt of her short-sleeved dress that fell to just below her knees.

Tim gave her a smile as he watched her put on her black mid heel boots. "Yeah." Tim finished slipping his own shoes on. "How long before we have to leave?" He asked as he watched her twist her hair up in that complicated style she wore it in. They were meeting Jimmy and Breena for brunch.

Her eyes met his in the mirror as she put in her simple gold hoops. "We still got about twenty minutes before we have to leave." She answered. "Be prepared. I think they have been working up their courage to talk to us about the wedding." She turned to him. "Why?'." She asked.

"I want to talk to you." Tim said, patting the bed beside where he sat in his black slacks and the slate blue button she had picked up for him the last time she had went shopping with Breena, indicating that he wanted her to sit down.

Meg walked the short distance to where he sat, slowly, in trepidation. Was this it? She wondered. Was this where he told her that this wasn't working for him anymore?

"I've been thinking." Tim began, filling Meg with more dread.

He took her hand in his and started to play with her fingers. "I—I don't want to wait, Meg." He turned his head slightly, so that he could look her in the eyes. "I want to start trying."

"Trying?" Meg asked, her face scrunched up in confusion because she hadn't yet worked out what he meant.

"A baby, Meg." He said, running a hand through his hair agitatedly. "I want to start trying for a baby." Tim let her hand go, jumped up and started to pace. "I don't see the point in waiting. We're already living together." What Meg had told Abby was true. They did split their time between her house and Tim's apartment. Tim and Meg hadn't spent a night apart since deciding to get married. "We're engaged. I'd marry you tomorrow if you wanted." Tim stopped in front of her, kneeling down. "Why should we wait to start trying for a baby?"

A slow smile bloomed on her face. Meg let her relief that Tim wasn't ending their relationship push aside the disquiet she felt at the timing of his request. "Really?"

Tim took her hands, still kneeling in front of her. "Yeah." He nodded, a hopeful expression on his face. "Let's start our family."

Meg launched herself at Tim knocking them both to the floor in a tangle. "Yes!" She exclaimed with joy as she planted kisses all over his face. "Oh, yes, Tim!" And if there was a part of her that was uneasy, she ignored it.

_~NCIS~_

Breena watched as her cousin made her way to where she sat in the crowded restaurant that served a champagne brunch that was very popular with the diverse visitors and residents that chose to eat there. Meg looked well put together as she usually did, in her pretty dress, the almost exact color of her blue-green eyes, her strawberry blond hair twisted up, contacts in, leather boots on her tiny feet, but Breena could detect a change in the hard edges she used to have. They were blunted now. Life with Tim McGee had softened Meg. The harsh lines that had adorned her face were smoother and the permanent melancholy that had been a part of Meg ever since Breena could remember was almost gone now. The happiness that she felt for her cousin warred with the worry that was ever present these days. Meg could be hurt so easily, and without no one realizing it.

Breena stood when Meg reached the table and gave her cousin a quick hug that Meg returned whereas just a few months ago she would have been stiff and unresponsive.

"Where's Jimmy?" Meg asked as they both sat down.

"He's running a little late." Breena answered. "Tim parking the car?"

A soft smiled graced Meg's full mouth. "He couldn't get a close spot so he dropped me off. I told him that I didn't mind walking with him, but you know Tim."

Breena returned the other woman's smile. "Yeah, I know Tim. Ever the gentlemen." Breena let out a gentle laugh. She was well acquainted with Tim's impeccable manners.

"That's okay." Meg beamed at Breena. "I'm glad that Jimmy and Tim aren't here. I've got something to tell you."

"What?" Breena asked with another laugh. She had never seen her cousin so light, so happy.

Meg reached across the table and grasped Breena's hand, surprising her because Meg had never been a touchy feely person.

"Tim doesn't want to wait until after the wedding to try to get pregnant. We've decided to start trying now."

Breena didn't say anything for a minute, stunned.

The smile on Meg's face froze. "Breena?" She said hesitantly.

"When did you and Tim decide this?" Breena asked. It had to have been recently. Her cousin hadn't said anything when they had made the plans for brunch yesterday.

Meg slowly pulled her hand back. "This morning."

"Don't you think that's a little fast?" Breena asked doubtfully. "He had a kind of rough couple of days,Meg." That wasn't the only thing that disturbed Breena but she knew her cousin well enough to know that she wouldn't listen to any other doubts that she might have. "There's plenty of time."

Meg shifted in her seat. She had her own reservations about Tim suddenly wanting to have a baby. She couldn't shake the feeling that his wanting to have a baby with her was to close to his problems with his team. Kind of like he was trying to exchange one family for another. "We want a baby, Breena. Now or a year from now, what does it really matter?" Meg said, hoping her own doubts didn't show.

It mattered. Because it was suddenly becoming real. Everything was starting to move so fast that they were becoming caught in a whirlwind and if they didn't stop soon it would be too late. Breena bit her down on her tongue hard to keep from saying anything that would push the older woman away. She had always wanted a closer relationship with Meg, but her cousin had always held her at arms length, even when they were children. It wasn't until Meg had started seeing Tim that they had become closer. Breena had never really had any close friends, her profession putting off most women. Was it selfish of her not to want to give it up not that she has found it? Breena wondered. She ignored the little voice in her head that said yes.

Meg looked into her cousins blue eyes. "Can't you just be happy for us?"

Breena plastered a smile on her face. "Of course I'm happy for you both." She assured the other woman. "Jimmy will be, too." Her voice sounded doubtful to her own ears.

~_NCIS~_

Gibbs didn't even look up as his guest descended his basement stairs, just took another swallow of his bourbon, relishing the burn as it made it's way down his throat.

"Really, Jethro." Ducky admonished from the bottom step. "Isn't it a little too early on a Sunday for that?" Ducky asked, looking at his watch. "It's barely mid day."

"Nope." Gibbs said as he poured some more of the liquid in his glass and swallowed that down, too.

Ducky sighed. "That's not going to solve anything." He reprimanded.

Gibbs shrugged. "It makes me feel better." He replied, although he didn't pour another shot. He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Ah, hell, Duck." He wiped a hand over his face. "What a mess."

Ducky nodded. "Indeed."

"I didn't know about this new woman." Gibbs said with sad blue eyes. "I encouraged Ziva. Told her to hang on." Gibbs shook his silver head. "And all this time McGee was planning his life with another woman." Gibbs glared at the glass in his hand. "I should have just stayed out of it."

Ducky didn't say anything knowing that his friend needed to get it all out.

"He came here on Friday." Gibbs said, telling Ducky something he had kept secret from the others. "He wanted talk to me." Gibbs lifted guilty blues eyes to Ducky's. "Tony and Ziva were already here. I didn't know what was wrong with them, just knew it had something to do with McGee."

Ducky felt dread well up inside him. He had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"I just told him to come back later and shut the door in his face." Gibbs closed his eyes as he remembered how his youngest agent had looked standing on his porch after he had closed and locked his door.

"And did he come back?" Ducky asked, although he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

Gibbs opened his eyes and gave his famous half-smile. "Didn't really expect him too, Duck."

Ducky nodded. He knew Timothy very well. Timothy wouldn't come back to a place where he blieved he wasn't welcomed, even if he was welcome. Ducky shook his head. The lad was mule headed stubborn. He eyed his friend. Kind of like a certain Team Leader he knew.

~_NCIS~_

Brunch had been a happy affair and if Tim had laughed a little to hardy or his exuberance seemed a little to forced no one said anything. Meg for her part, was just glad to see Tim trying. After lunch, the foursome decided to walk through the park and let their brunch go down. It was a little windy, but other wise a clear, crisp day. Jimmy and Tim walked ahead of the two women, discussing a recent closed case while the cousins rambled along talking about their upcoming weddings and babies.

Meg was not unaware of the looks that Jimmy kept throwing her way over his shoulder as she talked about the small ceremony that her and Tim had agreed upon. When Breena split, pulling Tim with her, leaving Jimmy and her behind, she wasn't really surprised.

They walked along for a long while not speaking until Meg couldn't stand it anymore. "You don't approve of Tim and my's relationship, do you?" Meg asked finally.

"It's not up to me to approve," he said, tight lipped. "But, no, I don't approve." Jimmy fell silent, trying to word what he wanted to say the right way. He knew that he had a way of saying the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong moment and Jimmy didn't want that to happen now. Meg was prickly enough without him accidentally insulting her."I want you to know that I will support you and Tim in anything you do. That is not what this is about."

Meg nodded neutrally as she waited for him to continue.

Jimmy took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "Tim puts up with a lot, Meg, and not just from the women he dates." He gave her a look out of the corner of his eye. "I know that you've come to learn that."

She nodded as they continued to walk slowly along.

"He's changed since meeting you, just as you have changed. You two seem to bring out the best in one another." He gave her a small smile. "You're good for each other."

"But..." Meg prompted when he didn't continue.

"It's not really a but." He said hesitantly. "It's just that..." He trailed off and thought for a moment. This was such an awkward conversation. How had he let Breena talk him into this?

"Jimmy?"

"Tim McGee is my friend." He said after a moment. "And like any good friend, I want the best for him. I want him to be happy and healthy and most of all, I want him to be loved." He stopped and turned to her. "Because he's one of the ones who deserve it the most." He gave her a smile to let her know that he didn't mean anything by his next words. "And you don't love my friend, Meg."

Meg smiled to let him know that she hadn't took offence. "But I do care about him, Jimmy. I respect him and I like him very much." She placed a soft, gloved hand on his black coat, covered arm. "We're adults. We have had our disappointments." She pointed out. "We know what to expect out of this relationship and what not to." She put a little hardness in her voice. "There is nothing wrong in what we're doing."

Jimmy searched her eyes for a long time. "No." He shook his head. "No, there's not."

_~NCIS~_

"So." Tim said after him and Breena had left Jimmy and Meg and they had walked in silence for a little while. "Did you just want to give Meg and Jimmy some time to talk or did you have something you wanted to say to me?"

Breena froze for a second then continued walking."I have something I want to say." She said after a minute. "I just don't know how to go about saying it."

Tim stopped. "The easiest way is to just say it." He studied her as she chose her words. Her long blonde hair shone in the sun, her red coat gently whipping in the wind.

"I want you to know that I am very happy that you and Meg have found each other."

Tim nodded, but didn't say anything, knowing that she had more to say.

Breena paused, knowing that she was touching on a sore subject with Tim. "It's just—" She stopped. "I worry about Meg." Blue eyes met green ones. "I worry about _you_." She empathized. "Are you sure that the path you've chosen is the right one?"

Tim knew that Breena meant well, but he still went on the defensive. "I've chosen the path that I want, Breena. This is what we both want."

She heard the warning to drop it in his voice. "I know." She said with a sigh. Hard-headed man. "Come on," she linked arms with him. "Let's go find Jimmy and Meg."

_~NCIS~_

_HEY! I HAVE ALWAYS INTENDED FOR THIS TO END WITH EVERYONE HAPPY BUT I HAVE received A REVIEW THAT SAID THAT MAYBE MEG SHOULD BE KILLED OFF INSTEAD OF JUST LETTING TIM GO. IF ANYONE ELSE HAS AN OPINION I'D LOVE TO HERE IT. MAJORITY RULES._

_THANKS!_

_ROBIN_


	10. Chapter 10

_~NCIS~_

"So you haven't heard from Timothy since turning him away?" Ducky inquired.

Gibbs flexed his fists, refusing to meet his friends' wise blue eyes. "No. I've tried to call him but McGee's not answering." He couldn't even work up enough anger to be mad at his junior agent for breaking one of his most sacred rules. "At least he isn't answering for me." Gibbs finished with a shrug.

"With how we've treated the dear boy, I seriously doubt he is answering any of our calls." Ducky shook his head sadly. "Oh, Jethro, how could you have done such a thing?" He asked, while pushing away his own guilt at basically having done the same thing. "And to Timothy, of all people?"

The accusation made Gibbs bristle. Or maybe it was the truth behind the accusation and the guilt it caused that made him so mad. "I would have done the same thing to Tony if the situation had been reversed and you know it!" Gibbs exclaimed angrily.

"But it is not the same, Jethro!" Ducky argued back. "Timothy and Anthony are two very different people! What works with Anthony won't work with Timothy!" Ducky could see by the confused expression on his friend's face that Jethro didn't have a clue at what he was getting at. Ducky gave a weary sigh. "Timothy doesn't have the relationship with you that Anthony has. He doesn't have the same experiences that you have had with Anthony. You and Anthony are very much alike. You have some of the same traits; share some of the same interests. You have no problem relating to Anthony the way you do with Timothy. The two of you complement each other. Anthony is very aware of where he stands with you. He knows what place he occupies in your life. Timothy doesn't know his place with you like Anthony does." Ducky shook his head. "It's not the same thing, Jethro!" He said again. "And if you can't see that…" He trailed off. Ducky stood there, eying Gibbs for a few more minutes, then shook his head sadly, before slowly walking up the stairs and letting himself out of Gibbs' house with a sense of foreboding. He couldn't stop the feeling that this was going to tear their little family apart.

Gibbs watched his old friend leave with sad ice blue eyes, the words he spoke still echoing though out the basement long after he was gone.

_~NCIS~_

After arriving home from Gibbs' place, Ziva had spent the rest of Saturday in bed, recovering from her over indulgence the night before with Tony and Abby. By the time Sunday had arrived, a bright and blustery day, she was feeling almost herself. That was good news for work on the following day, but also meant that she couldn't push away thoughts of Tim any longer. It hurt to know that he was with someone else. It hurt to know that it was her fault that things had turned out the way that they had. She had never let her guard down long enough, never tried hard enough to truly let him in. Ziva had let her fear that, one day Tim would want children of his own more than he wanted her, control her. She had let her fear of losing him stop her from loving him as she should have loved him. She had been too afraid of losing him to love him like he deserved to be loved and now it was too late. He had found another; someone who was not afraid of loving him. Ziva felt a sharp pain in her chest. She had missed her chance for happiness.

Ziva finished making her tea and moved into her living room, sitting her cup on her end table as she slowly settled back into her chair, lost in her thoughts of Tim. She thought of his gentleness, his goodness. She thought of their time together, of the way he had been with her. She thought about the way that he had taken care of her when she had come back from Somalia, completely broken, more dead than alive. She thought about the way Tim had gingerly picked up the shattered remains of her life and soul. The way he had carefully pieced her back together, much as one would fit a puzzle together, not caring that the best pieces would always be missing. And she thought about how everything with him had come to an end so easily. She thought about how they had had only two short years together before it all fell apart.

Ziva David was intimately acquainted with loss. Every step of her life she has lost something or someone. Her mother, her sister, her brother. Jenny. More friends than she had kept count of. A way of life. Her innocence. And now she had lost Tim. Truly lost him. But she hadn't really lost him, had she? Ziva had thrown him, along with everything they had shared, away.

She had no one to blame but herself for the way things had turned out. Had she really believed that Tim would mourn her for the rest of his life? Had she really believed that he would wait around for her to come to her senses? Has she really been that foolish?

_~NCIS~_

"Are you sure you don't mind staying here tonight?" Meg asked as she walked into the living room of her place carrying two glasses of juice. "It still isn't too late to head back to your apartment."

They had planned to stay at Tim's home another night but Meg had ask to come to her own place. To be truthful, Tim had been relieved. He'd not been answering anyone's calls and was afraid Tony or Abby would show up unannounced at his apartment. Tim knew that he couldn't avoid them forever—he had to go to work tomorrow—but he just wasn't in the mood for a fight.

Tim stood up as she placed the glasses of juice on her coffee table and pulled her into a hug. "It doesn't matter to me where we stay, Meg." He said as he pressed a kiss to the top of her strawberry- blond head. "You know that."

As Meg laid her head on his chest, she saw his phone laying on her crème colored sofa. She pulled her head back slightly so she could look him in the eye. "Is your boss still calling?" She questioned softly. She was somewhat surprised. She knew that he had been persistent in calling but had believed that Gibbs would have given up by now. "You don't think you've got a case, do you?"

Tim shook his head. "Jimmy would have called if we had to work." Tim sat down on the sofa, pulling her with him, his arm around her, Meg curling up so that her head rested on his shoulder.

"Are you worried about tomorrow?"

Tim froze then relaxed back into the sofa. "About dodging the Boss' calls, you mean?"

Meg nodded. "That and about what everyone will say now that they know."

Tim shook his head. "No, I'm not worried. I really don't care what anyone thinks." Tim gently pulled away from her and reached for the juice that sat in front of him.

"What about being unreachable?"

Tim carefully sat his glass back down. "Those are Gibbs' rules, Meg. Not mine." He didn't want to think about what Gibbs would say about Tim not answering his phone for anyone on the team. He knew that Gibbs would have a lot to say on the matter but Tim didn't think it was fair to involve Meg in his concerns about what tomorrow would bring.

Meg could tell that Tim didn't want to talk about work or his team mates so she decided to change the subject. "I've been thinking."

Tim raised an eyebrow when she didn't immediately continue.

Meg nibbled on her lower lip. "What do you think about moving in here now and not waiting until after the wedding?" She asked nervously. "I mean, what are we really waiting for?"

Tim stiffened again. "Are we ready for that?" He asked finally after a long silence.

Meg pulled away to the other side of the sofa. "Aren't we?" Meg looked at Tim. "If we aren't ready to live together than how can we be ready to have a child together? How can we even be considering getting married?" She asked when he remained silent. Meg shook her head. "If you aren't ready for this, Tim, all you have to do is say so."

Tim jumped up. "I am ready!" He exclaimed fervently.

Meg smoothed a hand over her sofa. "I feel like I'm pushing you." She said quietly. "I just want you to be sure this is what you want."

Tim sat down beside her, placing his hands on her face, forcing her to meet his brilliant green eyes. "I want this, Meg." He did. He wanted a wife. Children. He wanted a family. Tim wanted something permanent. Something that couldn't be taken away. Tim felt a sharp pang in his chest. At one time, Ziva had told him she wanted the same thing. She hadn't. The pain was back, sharper this time. No, she had. She just hadn't wanted that with him.

"Tim?" Meg's voice broke through and he realized he had gotten lost in his thoughts.

"I can start moving this weekend if we don't catch a case." He said decidedly. "I know Jimmy will help." He deliberately left out the rest of his team, knowing that, the way things stood, him and Jimmy would be on their own.

Meg searched his beautiful green eyes. "Breena will, too." She replied knowingly.

They remained silent for a long time, just studying each other.

"Come on." She said finally breaking the silence. "I want to show you something." She jumped up and grabbed his hand.

"What?" Tim asked, letting her pull him down the hall to where the bedrooms were located.

"This." She said pushing open the door to one of her spare rooms. "This will make a great nursery, don't you think?"

Tim froze in the doorway, startled. It had been his idea to not wait, but he hadn't really given the details much thought. Apparently, Meg had. Suddenly, the weight of everything started to become overwhelming again.

Meg turned to him. "Tim?" She asked uncertainly, afraid that she had said something she shouldn't have.

Tim forced a smile and stepped into the room. Meg had turned this room into an office, giving up her own to him, despite his protestations, so that he would have his own space when they had started spending so much of their time together.

"What about your office?" He asked when she kept looking at him expectantly.

Meg smiled but the uncertainty was still visible in her eyes. "I thought we could clean out the other room. It's not being used for anything but storage anyway."

Tim nodded, looking around. "Why do you want to use this room as the nursery?" He asked. "If we're going to clear out the other room anyway, why not use that?" That made much more sense to him.

"Because this room is so much bigger and it's closer to our room and it gets more natural light than the other room." Meg looked at him, unsure. "You—you don't think it would be good as a nursery?"

The insecurity in Meg's blue-green eyes made him feel two inches tall knowing he had put it there. He forced another smile. It wasn't her fault he was regretting his earlier decisions. "I think it would be perfect as a nursery."

A smile blossomed on Meg's face and excitement replaced the insecurity in her eyes. "Really?"

Tim nodded and suddenly found himself the recipient of an enthusiastic hug from Meg. She pulled away as quickly as she had hugged him and practically ran to where her oak desk stood in the caramel colored room. "I thought we would put the crib here, by the window. And I want a rocking chair right next to it so that I'll be comfortable while I'm nursing." Meg turned back to him, eyes shining with happiness. "And I thought we could put the changing table over here…" Meg continued on as Tim stood there, a funny feeling in his chest. The walls were getting closer and closer together and he was finding it increasingly harder to just breath. He couldn't understand why. This was what he wanted. Tim clenched his hands tightly at his sides. Right? All this had been his idea. He had been the one to propose to Meg. He had talked her into having a baby now, instead of waiting. He had just agreed to move in here, instead of keeping his apartment until after the wedding. All of this was his doing.

This is what he wanted, he repeated doubtfully in his mind. Wasn't it? Tim thought hard for a minute. Yes. A home. A family. Something he had never really had before. That was _exactly_ what he wanted. Tim ignored completely the little voice that said Meg just wasn't the one he wanted that with.

_~NCIS~_

_HOPE THIS CHAPTER DOESN'T DISAPPOINT ANY ONE. NEXT CHAPTER UP IN TWO WEEKS._


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